Thursday, February 23, 2006

Reflecting on the past

Reflecting on the past
Originally uploaded by Sheila Hudson.
I love this drawing! I did it while we were at the Indian reservation for Doctor appointments which was a very slow process. I guess I've mentioned how much I love doing pen and ink drawings.

So today I decided to take a day off of working out since I plan on going tomorrow and I feel that 5 days a week is unrealistic for what I can sustain on a regular basis. So I offered to walk with Paul this morning and I was thinking a casual 30 minute walk would be fine. Instead we ended up doing a 45 minute walk with lots of hill work and we both enjoyed it and were glad we did. Geesh, it's so nice to be in good shape again! Let me say to any of you who are struggling to loose weight and get in shape that it is well worth the effort, it adds so much to life to feel good, have energy and eat right. This year I'm looking forward to playing baseball with Tanner and kicking the soccer ball with him.

Also, I had a neat experience a few days ago that struck me as one of those "being in the moment" kind of times. Tanner and I had been doing some shopping and stopped at Taco Bell for lunch. As we were sitting there he mentioned that he and Paul (Papa) had sat at the very same table the night before when they stopped on their way to roping practice. Then it occurred to me that Paul and I had sat at that very same table the day after we found out that Tanner had been conceived. On that day almost 10 years ago I was grieving deeply and felt extremely fragile emotionally because 11 days earlier I had lost my dad and then greatly grieving because this child that had been conceived was not planned, our son was just barely 18, the mother was .... well lets say it seemed an incredible tragedy at the time. We were discussing what this child would mean in the life of our son, in our lives etc. We were in shock that we were going to be grandparents. Well obviously as time as passed the full impact of this child's life has had a huge effect on our lives. Now we share that same table with a beautiful little boy who we adore, we have become the guardians of this little one and share wonderful experiences with him that will never be shared with either parent, he is a little bundle of enormous potential that's been placed in our hands to raise. It's so strange how that same table in Taco Bell reminded me of those experiences. It was wonderful to reflect back on those incredibly difficult emotions of the time in the past and have a "marker" to remind me that grief gives way to growth and hope.


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